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It's been a long time and a lot has changed. This semester, I decided not to go back to school but I've begun an internship with the American school of the Deaf here in my state. I've also been volunteering my time at the high school I used to attend and I'm enjoying that as well.

I just got back from visiting a friend in Virginia- which was great! I'm also gearing up to head out to Anime Boston in May and I can't wait to see all the cosplays and what not going on.

Planning my twenty-first birthday with some friends and I'm really excited! It'll be Japanese themed and we're having it outside. We're going to measure the backyard in square feet so we know how big we need the tent to be, but it's all coming together so nicely.

I know I haven't updated in forever but you've gotta believe I have a million things going on and writing just doesn't take priority the way it used to. I do have some more crafts that I've worked on. (I made my friend a Jack Frost hoodie from Rise of the Guardians).

See you all around!
-CYG
  • Reading: Wheel of Time: Eye of the World

Here in CT

Journal Entry: Fri Dec 14, 2012, 11:58 PM
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I live about 40 minutes away from where it all went down.

I work with Children almost daily and I can't for a moment wrap my head around what has happened nor can I say I'm ok as far as my peace of mind goes. I worry so much for the children in my life already, this just raised the levels.

To say I am heartbroken is an understatement. I can only hope those children who are alright get the proper attention and comfort they deserve.

The only thing I'm mad about as far as the internet goes is how many people on tumblr are turning this into another human rights topic they can ride for followers with their false sentiments and dirty habits of turning everything into a who-can-be-more-sincere contest.

May the souls of those departed find peace and those left because find it just as well.

-CYG

*don't forget to let the Children and those who matter in your life know that they do. Don't forget to let the young ones you come in contact with know that their life is just as valuable as the president's or the queen's or their favorite celebrity's.
Don't let them go without knowing you care. And don't you take them for granted. Don't take a good neighborhood for granted. Don't take good people for granted.

You'll never know what you have until you've lost it.


  • Reading: Wheel of Time: Eye of the World

If anyone is buying a premium membership...

Journal Entry: Tue Dec 11, 2012, 10:55 AM
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And doesn't know who to give it to, (with the buy one get one sale), I'm strapped for cash and won't have enough to buy the membership by the time the sale ends and would definitely appreciate it.

But it's also not that big of a deal.

There are more important things to do and donate to this winter. Like your local food, animal, homeless shelter.
-CYG


  • Reading: Wheel of Time: Eye of the World

Jingle Bells, Jingle Jingle Jingle Bells

Journal Entry: Tue Dec 4, 2012, 4:18 PM
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Hey guys, long time no see.
Doing better in therapy- I'm actually joining a group soon and maybe then I'll be able to write some more.

Excited really.

Happy Holidays.

-CYG


  • Reading: Wheel of Time: Eye of the World

Went to the hospital...

Journal Entry: Wed Oct 17, 2012, 5:32 AM
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I'm ok physically. I had an adverse reaction to the anti depressants my doctor prescribed and I'm just getting over it all now. I'm kinda stressed and I'm feeling much more depressed and I keep having panic attacks. It's reminiscent of summer but I know I can beat it. Even if I don't always feel like I can, I know I can. I did before through God and support from people who care for me and I can do it again.


Just checking in.


  • Reading: Wheel of Time: Eye of the World

I just had to say this somewhere

Journal Entry: Sun Sep 16, 2012, 12:01 AM
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I have this guy friend... and he literally lights up my heart when he laughs/smiles. I don't even know what it is but he's got the most heart warming smile when something really gets him and I can't stand it. Because I wanna tell him how adorable he is when he does it but I don't want him to stop doing it because I drew attention to it... although I have before lol.

I just... uhewjfnk I don't know I'm sure everyone has that one thing that makes them feel really warm on the inside and he's it for me.

-CYG


  • Reading: Wheel of Time: Eye of the World

I had the best dream and I wish I was military...

Journal Entry: Fri Sep 14, 2012, 3:25 AM
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It was awesome and the base was awesome and my friend was medical and I was like some kind of research or something... I feel like I was magic, even though there was no magic. Like I was some alien or supernatural entity the government took into the base to keep from the public but I can't be sure. I wasn't treated weird or anything- and it was just... so awesome.

And I wrote it all out on tumblr.

And I wanna write more about it... maybe a story.

But I promise no Stephanie Meyer behavior.

-CYG


  • Reading: Wheel of Time: Eye of the World

De-sexing my life

Journal Entry: Tue Sep 11, 2012, 8:50 AM
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So before anyone reads this, I promise this isn't an entry about how God doesn't want us to talk about sex or ever be concerned about sex. That's not what I'm trying to say. I was just really surprised that half the people who voted last poll were super upset about the no-more-smut thing.

What I'm saying is that I don't like how sex became a super common topic for me among friends. It's not a bad thing, nor a sin in my opinion, to say the word penis or talk about boobs. But there's a huge difference between a joke here and there and then a huge obsession with sex and penises and just... all the sexual repression of a middle schooler with the mental capacity of an 18-20 year old, it's just too much.

Too much to the point where I feel dirty typing anything sexual into a word processor. And you know what? A story doesn't need sex to be good. And if my fics or original stories suddenly start to suck because there's no sex, well then I'm a failure as a writer anyway because that would mean I never had any talent to begin with.

So at this point in time, I'm just going through kind of a purging process. I've stopped drinking as of July and refuse to until I'm actually 21 and even then, just wine or lighter things. (I didn't like how ridiculous I became when I drank.) And I'm also going to go back to that youthful mentality when sex didn't have to be everything. That's when I was most creative and I'd prefer it that way.

-CYG


  • Reading: Wheel of Time: Eye of the World

Update on the Update

Journal Entry: Wed Aug 15, 2012, 9:58 PM
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Got in touch with my insurer today after another breakdown and I'm successfully in for an appointment with a therapist for Tuesday at 5. Love you all!

-CYG


  • Reading: Wheel of Time: Eye of the World

Here I am!

Journal Entry: Wed Aug 15, 2012, 12:15 AM
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Just wanted to drop a line to everyone, letting you all know that I'm ok and will be getting help for my panic/anxiety disorder very soon. I'm going to be going to the hospital within the next couple of days and I might even end up checking myself in for the 72 hour period many mental wellness centers provide. So while I'm in a good state right now, I'm not going to kid myself and pretend like something isn't seriously wrong.

Doing my best to get well. Sorry it's actually been a coon's age since I've said anything to anyone. But I'm alive and well. <3

-CYG


  • Reading: Wheel of Time: Eye of the World

Anxiety Attack, right before CTcon too...

Journal Entry: Sat Jul 7, 2012, 4:39 PM
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So I was so excited to go to ConnectiCon this year and take pictures with a new lens I got for my birthday... and then I go and have an anxiety attack about 2 days or so ago. I'm not having the attack now but the aftermath is its own struggle.

I feel very uncomfortable in my own body, that's the only way I can describe it. Like I'm wearing something uncomfortable but can't take it off. I'm too sensitive to the cold air at work, all the AC beating down on me... and it only gets worse when I go outside and then come back in, it feels like ice then.

I also get just generally unsettled. Going back and forth between confidence in my ability to get over the anxiety and then sulking about how long it's taking to get over it and how it's not gone no matter all my effort. And I cry, and I hate to cry because it feels like I've lost.

I know everything's ok and I tell myself that but then there's this nagging feeling in the back of my head like there's something I forgot to worry about, like something is happening and I'm going to get hurt or harmed in some way. Not a true panic but just that bad feeling.

I know my friends understand and a few of them will do their best to not leave my side during the con, but I just want to be normal again. I just want to be ok. I don't like having anxiety problems, they've never been this way before May of this year.

-CYG


  • Reading: Wheel of Time: Eye of the World

Last Hour of Birthday...

Journal Entry: Sun Jul 1, 2012, 8:15 PM
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A so-called friend actually ruined everything and ruined my night with his crap.

It was kind of a crappy day, felt like no one really cared. Why should anyone? I'm not even important to anyone.
But him being stupid made it extra crappy.

Parents didn't even give me a card.

...and we didn't even do my cake or sing. Mom bought the cake and didn't do anything with it.

Maybe my birthday party will be fun. Idk. I just... I feel awful.

Happy Birthday to me.

-CYG


  • Reading: Wheel of Time: Eye of the World

Birthday in a few days (also, scared about CTcon)

Journal Entry: Tue Jun 26, 2012, 8:43 PM
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I'm turning twenty and it's that weird year again, kind of like when I turned 19. Nothing special really happens when you turn 20 and I'm kind of upset that I can't just skip it and turn 21. Like 20 just reminds me that I'm old with no redemption.
I guess it's a big step that I'm not a teenager anymore but... I'm gonna kind of miss that. I'm officially too old to be looking in the teen section of Barnes and Noble. : /

I'm kind of nervous and looking forward to ConnectiCon though. I'm excited because I like having that event to go to every year and I'm excited to take pictures... but I'm also really scared that my excitement will be for nothing because something bad will happen during the con or because I'll ruin it.

It probably sounds ridiculous but I'm just really afraid because it's happened before. I was so excited for something and it ended up going south. Or something bad just came along and ruined it. I just really need some reassurance that nothing bad is gonna happen, that I'm not gonna have another anxiety attack and ruin it, that it's going to be fun. And that if something goes wrong, it won't be any more wrong than it was in previous years.

A friend of mine from MA is even coming in to go to the con with me.

I should just stop freaking out and enjoy my birthday and the con.
Ugh but it's so hard when I'm so aware that so much can go so wrong.

-CYG


  • Reading: Wheel of Time: Eye of the World

Opinion Tiiiime

Journal Entry: Tue Jun 26, 2012, 7:51 AM
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Didn't want to make this a poll because polls tend to become more clicking and leaving than conversing.

So. Say you meet someone and you're really connecting with them, maybe not romantically, but you see a really good friend in them.
...and then they want to start dating.
Now. You're not into them that way but they're not unattractive and they're pretty much pulling the 'let's try it or we stop being friends right now' card.

Do you humor them? Give it a shot for their sake even though you know it's not happening?

Or... do you just let them go?


  • Reading: Wheel of Time: Eye of the World

Writing exercises?

Journal Entry: Sun Jun 17, 2012, 12:24 AM
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What works for you guys? I'm completely stuck and I hate feeling this block. What kind of exercises get you guys out of your blocks or ruts? Anything you'd like to pass along to me?

I am willing to try anything legal. lol

-CYG


  • Reading: Wheel of Time: Eye of the World

Fics and stuff

Journal Entry: Fri Jun 15, 2012, 10:27 AM
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So I hate how dry my submissions have been lately. I'm gonna write an Avengers fic before trying to go back to some of the ones I need to finish.

Just felt like sharing.

-CYG


  • Reading: Wheel of Time: Eye of the World

An old teacher of mine was fired...

Journal Entry: Wed Jun 13, 2012, 1:18 PM
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For making out with a student. This is the 2nd time this has happened, once while I was still at the school and this time after I left.

Both were female teachers who were very chill and all the students liked hanging out with them... and now I guess we all know why.

The weirdest part about this new one though is that she was a gym teacher and after writing High School Secrets, I can't help but see her side of it. Like I know it's out of control and you're not supposed to do things like that but I can't see her as a villain.


  • Reading: Wheel of Time: Eye of the World

Connecticon 2012/Other stuff

Journal Entry: Mon Jun 11, 2012, 9:38 AM
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I officially pre-registered for Connecticon this summer. What I have a problem with, however, is getting my FMV entries in. I submitted my form weeks ago but there was no email telling me how to submit my entry. Like I waited and the time is almost up and I have no email telling me how to submit my video... so I'm a little upset. I don't want someone to tell me AFTER the deadline what happened.

But I am excited to see what people have ready for Artist's Alley as well as what panels are gonna be there for pick up.

I'm also excited because I'll be getting a new camera lens for my birthday (July 1st) and I'm eager to start taking pictures with it.

In other news:
I'm gonna be photographing a wolf! A wolf conservation group will be bringing a wolf into a crazy night event and I was given the go ahead to come in that night.


  • Reading: Wheel of Time: Eye of the World

Happy June 1st

Journal Entry: Fri Jun 1, 2012, 12:15 PM
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It's a full month before my birthday. Wow.

Anyway, how have you all been? I've been decent. School is finally out and I've been working. So bored though. My adventures don't start until July so I'm pretty much bored till then.

Give me some things to doooooooo.


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  • Reading: Wheel of Time: Eye of the World

Sister was attacked/Losing my home.

Journal Entry: Thu Apr 19, 2012, 12:23 PM



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As some of you may or may not know, my father is highly abusive toward both myself and my mother/sister and has been for the majority of the last 15 years. For whatever reason, he has a condition or disorder that leads him to get unintelligibly angry over the slightest things- or even nothing... leading him to take it out on whomever is unfortunate enough to cross his path.

Last night, Wednesday April 18th, my father attacked my sister over a dispute about the house's Televisions. Long story short, while the DVR is running we often run into complications with more than one TV streaming TV. Already angry that he couldn't fix whatever the problem was, he and my sister argued about how to fix it. Eventually, he came downstairs to where I was and snatched shut off the TV. As he went back upstairs, she was coming down and asked for her remote to which he replied "move". Three times, she asked. And after that, he shoved her- which lead her to shove him back and he began to choke her.
He held onto her neck, whether by hand or arms for the next 15 or so minutes while also hitting her. She did hit back, trying to get him off of her but it didn't work. In the end, we had both called the police.

He's been arrested and is now sore over it so he is going to have me evicted from the house through the court- apparently he also wants to get mom and my sister out. We think it's all bull and isn't really going to happen. (Especially since.. well why would you go through the court motions of evicting someone from a house you're claiming to sell just now anyway?)

But yeah. That's my situation right now. Just wanted everyone to know.


  • Reading: Wheel of Time: Eye of the World

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